In December 1982, the National Lampoon took on both E.T. and Golding's young boys in Lord of the Flies, (pp. 56-57) PDF file available.
What if E.T. Were Discovered
in Different Movies by Different Children?
by Tod Carroll
Memorable Scene:
Jack and his Tribe of Ululating
Child Savages Find E. T.
| JACK, THE REDHEADED CHIEFTAIN of four or five boys who've been stranded on a deserted island, is creeping along a pig run, looking for dung, fresh tracks, and ultimately, meat. Several boys fan out at his rear, each naked and brown, save for wild gashed of colored clay smeared across their chests and caked around their eyes and cheeks. Their hair is vile and coarse, bursting from scalps in long spikes or mashed flat in cakes of mud, salt, and blood. Anxiety seeps along the ether; jungle nerves burn beneath flesh as the boys move noiselessly across moist formations humus and roots, eagerly fingering their spears. They'd all seen a brilliant, pulsing constellation of lights descend on |
the crags at the top of
the island the night before; Jack pronounced that the event was a demonic
signal from the beast, and that slaughter must be done as a
appeasement. A lump distends and shifts beneath the covert. Fir-hardened spears rise above the hunters' heads as Jack slinks closer, baring his teeth and hissing spoilt, fevered air past his swollen tongue. A screech cuts the chalky hot sunlight, followed by a sudden penetration of the lump through the matted creepers and tendrils of the jungle floor. "It's a tortoise," one of the boys whispers, "Kill the tortoise. Bash its head." |
"Home," the creature bleats forlornly, retracting an unusually
long neck. Jack brandishes a demented flaring grin.
"Sucks," he says. "We don't want to go home. We want
to have fun." As if by predesign, a chant begins in perfect
unison. "Kill the talking tortoise that doesn't want to have any fun.
Spill its blood." Recalling the squealing, fat-tusked boar they'd stuck and slit and pouched and roasted the night before, clawing and tearing at it like hyenas, the boys let out their ululating war cries and close in around the creature like maniacal, all powerful jaws. |
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